“That was the thing. You never got used to it, the idea of someone being gone. Just when you think it’s reconciled, accepted - someone points it out to you, and it just hits you all over again, that shocking.”
“My mom taught me something about relationships when I was growing up. She told me to never be the one to love the other person more. I always thought that was odd. That was until I saw how my mom loved my dad more and let him leave bruises on her skin. That was until I found my best friend drunk, bleeding on her bathroom floor, because the boy she loved more broke her heart and left. That’s why when I start to fall I catch myself. I don’t want to be the one to love more because I’ve seen what that does to people. Oh, but god do I love you more.”
“When I looked at you last night my heart stopped,
I wasn’t expecting you to be behind the door that I just answered,
I just mumbled hello and let you into the party anyway.
As the sky grew darker,
The air became colder,
And the floor was stained with more beer.
You approached me,
You looked at me with that same expression you had 6 months ago,
I bet you still didn’t have a clue about how much I adored you,
But I swear for a second you saw something in my eyes.
“Take a sniff of this.” I remembered you saying as you gestured to the small medicine bottle in your hand,
I looked straight into your eyes and you nodded.
I put my nose to the bottle and inhaled deeply,
My brain went fuzzy,
My heart raced,
I became so disorientated,
It reminded me of how it felt to love you,
It had been 186 days,
Yet I was back in that same place from just one breath,
I’m still loving you.”
I want to be more than a friend,
I want to kiss your cheek when they’re tear stained.