“The taste of bourbon and citrus oranges linger on my tongue and I sit on this curb with drunken regrets and what ifs. Reality is fading and alcohol swims in me saving the last of me that hasn’t drowned yet. I become numb, numb until I forget you, or that to you I’m never good enough. Because you don’t love me like you use to and you can’t kiss me without thinking it’s a mistake and you don’t see how hard I fight for you. I become numb to void that pain…because if I didn’t have alcohol to burn my insides, I’d just be pretending to be alive.”
“Even in my sleep,
you’re finding the letters
I wrote you,
and even in my sleep
you’re writing back to someone else instead.
If it helps,
I’m still writing
to the light you left behind.
I still let it sit inside of me all day
until my body can’t take it anymore.
You’re my favorite headache
to call my mother about,
and I talk about the dizzy so much,
I almost can’t believe there’s
any of it left to haunt me.
While it happens,
my body dances to the sound
of my own heart breaking.
While it happens,
my hands unfold into flying kites.
I finally need something else to reach for,
but you’re like a disease that comes back to me,
growing and growing
until I almost become it.
Until I almost don’t know anything else.”
— Y.Z, my body is a disappearing act that doesn’t know where to go (via rustyvoices)
“I missed you every hour. And you know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. I’d catch myself just walking around to find you, not for any reason, just out of habit, because I’d seen something that I wanted to tell you about or because I wanted to hear your voice. And then I’d realize that you weren’t there anymore, and every time, every single time, it was like having the wind knocked out of me.”
“When we hold each other, in the darkness, it doesn’t make the darkness go away. The bad things are still out there. The nightmares still walking. When we hold each other we feel not safe, but better. ‘It’s all right,’ we whisper, ‘I’m here, I love you.’ and we lie: ‘I’ll never leave you.’ For just a moment or two the darkness doesn’t seem so bad.”
— Neil Gaiman, Neil Gaiman’s Midnight Days (via larmoyante)